Things cancer can NOT do.
We’ve all seen the lists, the posters, the t-shirts.
First,
we are all convinced we will never get cancer.
Other people get cancer.
Not us.
Second,
We are all wrong.
Cancer doesn’t care who it strikes - be it adult, child or baby. Male or Female. Old or young.
We forget that too.
We think cancer is for old people.
Dried up chain smokers and old people in nursing homes waiting to die anyway.
“Poor old thing, but then they did live a long and full life, didn’t they?”
While that may or may not be true, it really has nothing to do with the whimsical nature of cancer.
Because I have it.
And I have never smoked-
And I do not live in a nursing home-
And at 64 years old you better not call me old.
So let me tell you some things about cancer that you may have never heard.
Let me tell you about chemo and surgery and what that does do. Things I had lived my life blissfully unaware of, and never really thought about knowing and certainly never experiencing.
Cancer.
Things it can do.
Cancer is quiet. It grows and becomes strong while being silent. Content to sit in the backyard, eating your food and all the while growing larger and inviting family members to join it. Silently.
Cancer grows. That’s what it does. It is not content to stay in your backyard. It is an unwelcome guest who comes into your house, and stays. And then it invites some cousins, and then some aunts & uncles to come stay. Feeling crowded? No problem! Cancer will move in to your garage, your shed, your car and down the driveway.
You now have cancer. And it’s here to stay.
You may discover your unwelcome guest because of a routine test.
Or you may discover cancer because of the size of it. All those cancer relatives are pushing out the good neighbors and replacing them with increasingly demanding cancer folk.
Or you may discover cancer because it is eating you out of house and home. It is demanding more food. Your food. As it is still being silent, it is sneaking into your refrigerator and eating all the good stuff, leaving leftovers for you. You become weak, thin, sickly looking- all because you are not eating properly. Only you think you are. You continue to replenish your cupboards with good food, not understanding that you won’t get to eat any of it. Your unwelcome guests will be feasting on it instead.
Cancer will always take the best of the best. I discovered my cancer when it had grown enough to make me uncomfortable. It had taken over not only my home but also the neighborhood.
I felt fine.
I was unaware that cancer had found my storehouse of food and was busy munching away and getting bigger and bigger.
Tests were given. Biopsies were taken.
MRIs and echocardiograms and CAT scans became weekly appointments. Signing forms and handing over the credit card became mundane and common.
More biopsies.
More specialist doctor appointments.
More bad news.
Cancer invites friends. Not the nice girl from school who shares her lunch with you. No, cancer invites friends that creep in alleys and come in through the back door at night. Friends you do not want in your home.
All those tests and procedures? They discover more things wrong with you. Unknown defects.
For me, I now discovered I had spots on my lungs.
I had a suspicious heart valve dysfunction.
There were shadows in my brain.
My veins were too small for chemo treatments.
I had unknown masses in my breast.
Cancer encourages numerous tests. A cancer diagnosis rarely stands alone. The medical field now has sophisticated equipment to search out innumerable things that are potentially wrong with you. You can choose to go on this merry-go-round. Be prepared for forfeiting your time and independence. And your wallet! Your life now belongs to medical professionals. They will poke and prod you; discuss you and order more tests until an exact diagnosis for each aberration is found and duly charted and catalogued.
You still have cancer, by the way.
Or you can discuss with your doctor the pros and cons of each procedure and make informed decisions on which ones are necessary. For me, I did not have to know the exact medical term for the spots on my lungs. It didn’t matter what caused them (most likely leftovers from a couple of cases of pneumonia) because they were deemed benign. Not a threat. I was still given the choice to pursue the matter with further specialists. I chose not to.
Side Effects of Chemo
they probably won’t mention
My cancer is aggressive, so it needs aggressive treatment. This was chemotherapy to start with. Because of my numerous allergies, the chemo was dripped into my port slowly, with time in between bags to see if I would have a reaction of any kind.
I am happy to report I never did.
Time:Each chemo session took 7 -8 hours. That’s 7 hours every 3 weeks. There’s the blood test before, and the meeting with the doc, and then the mixing of chemicals.
Plan on losing a day. Every 3 weeks.
Then the next day I got to go back and get a shot.
Now the side effects start to kick in. Some I knew about, most I did not.
Hair: yes, your hair will fall out. For some that includes nose hair, eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair anywhere else. For me, most of my hair fell out, but not all.
Taste: I would get a nasty metallic taste in my mouth that flavored my food. Or water would just taste…bad. Food became very salty tasting. Or I would crave flavor as everything was tasteless.
Dry eyes: my eyes started watering non-stop. I had to carry a tissue around with me all the time. I had to explain to everyone no, I wasn’t crying. It was ‘just’ chemo. After a trip to my eye doctor I had to put eye drops in both eyes 9-10 times a day. The diagnosis? Extremely dry eyes, causing them to water.
Hand rash: I got a painful, red rash on a couple fingers and knuckles on my Right hand. It was hot and alternately itchy and painful. It spread to my Left hand. It continued to spread down my fingers and up my wrist, involving the entire hand. It made parts of my hands become swollen, and the skin cracked in places. It’s called Hand and Foot Disorder. NOT Hand & Foot Disease. That last word distinction led to some nasty disagreements and a good amount of frustration for me. It is NOT the rash kids get from day care (commonly). It is a specific disorder that is a result of chemo.
You can’t ’catch it’. It is not contagious. My dermatologist knew exactly what it was and prescribed a cream for 2 days, then Vaseline only, used with ice packs. These helped and it finally cleared. I still have some residual ‘dragon scale’ looking skin and some small scars.
Nose bleeds: Chemo attacks fast-growing cells. That’s what cancer is - fast growing cells. Unfortunately chemo does not distinguish between cancer and good cells. Any of your fast-growing cells are at risk. For me, this first showed up with nose bleeds.
You have to understand, I have NEVER had a nose bleed in my life! Neither has my husband or son. So this was new territory for me. During chemo I had to go to an Outpatient service once, and the hospital Emergency Room twice to try and get the bleeding to stop. Not fun. I used up a LOT of Kleenex. During the emergency visits I had places inside my nose cauterized twice. If at all possible, I don’t recommend this. It HURTS!!! This helped some, but I had too many places that needed cauterizing for the docs to do a thorough job. 8 months later, and 2 months after my last chemo infusion, I still have nose bleeds almost every day.
Split nostrils: Because of all the nose bleeds I had, 3 places along the edge of my nostrils actually split, scabbed, split, etc. enough times that I now have 1/16” - 1/8” splits in my nose in 2 places. No one notices but me, I think.
Fingernails: My fingernails died and became detached. Apparently the cells in your nail beds are fast-growing. Who knew? Not me. As the nails are dying they release a bad-smelling clearish liquid. This is normal. This is a big nuisance. Carry around Kleenex to wipe up the fluid. Keep your fingernails trimmed short so you don’t accidentally catch one of the nails and rip it off, as it is detached all around except at the nail bed bottom. Sometimes I used a band-aid type solution to wrap around my fingertip so a nail wouldn’t snag on something. Just an aside here - try to pull up your socks without using your fingertips! Blech.
A few months later I had new fingernails growing underneath the real ones. They are thin and brittle and discolored. I’ll let you know what happens next!
Toenails: see above
Nausea & Vomiting: I thought I was going to get away without these things. Wrong. Nausea hit me after a while. Your Cancer Center has all kinds of things to help with nausea- pills, shots, infusions.
Then there’s the vomiting. I did learn I have a phenomena that makes throwing up…well…entertaining. Every time I throw up, I pass out. I had not thrown up since I was 13 years old. (A story for another time.) So when I felt a little ‘funny’ and sat up in bed, swung my feet over the edge, and awoke face down on the carpet floor laying in a pile of fresh barf, I was disoriented to say the least. I started hollering for M, and crying, and dripping barf off my face and my hands and pajamas…it was horrible! I blew barf out of my nose for 2 days afterward! I had visible scrapes and scabs on my head and my nose! Gave myself a bloody nose and a wrenched wrist and shoulder.
Then I proceeded to throw up 3 more times, passing out each time. Landed face first in barf only 2 more times. By the 4th time we were prepared!
I was referred to another specialist as this obviously was not related to chemo as it happened after my last infusion. I politely declined. The only different factor in my life was having had chemo. Vomiting is a known side effect. My body was just a little slow in processing the chemicals. Fortunately I only had 1 more episode of ‘we must get rid of this foreign substance! Come on everybody - let’s barf NOW! Aaannd REPEAT!’
Teeth: An old wive’s tale is for every baby you have you will lose a tooth. This probably came around because of the acid that is produced when vomiting. Have that wash over your teeth for 6-8 months and yes, combine with poor to no oral hygiene due to exhaustion and you certainly might lose a tooth each time you had a baby. Now insert ‘cancer’ instead of ‘baby’.
Diarrhea: You will have diarrhea. It started with me in the middle of the night. Of course. It woke me up, feet hit the floor and I was off! Whew! Made it. Repeat 3 times that night. The next night I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time. Frowny face. After that I wore paper pants to bed every night. So many times I ‘almost’ made it to the toilet and was so grateful I had my paper pants on. Then it started hitting me during the day. Again, paper pants to the rescue.
Mouth sores: Painful mouth sores are the leading cause of stopping chemo treatments. They can lead to unhealthy weight drop as it becomes too painful to eat. Guess what the inside of your mouth is lined with? Fast growing cells!
Blistered skin: A lesser known side effect is blisters on your face. I was very fortunate and only got a couple mouth sores. The blisters however were all over including my eyelids. They made my skin super fragile and I had to be very careful I didn’t rub my face much at all. If I did I would break the skin and have a sore there. It also took longer than normal for them to heal, up to 6 weeks. Thank you chemo for lowering my platelet count. See below.
Slow healing: chemo makes your platelet counts low. Too low. You need platelets to help your blood coagulate (stop bleeding) and form scabs. These cover the wound and help protect it from further damage, while your body is repairing itself. It really is an amazing process when you think about it, which most of us don’t. Cut your finger? Wash it out, maybe wear a band-aid for a couple days, and you’re fine. But not with chemo. Expect scabs and sores on your hands, arms and legs.
Exhaustion: I’m not talking tired. I’m not talking about needing a little nap, or going to bed early. I’m talking exhaustion. So body-numbing that you fall into bed and don’t move. You are so tired that even breathing is an effort. Forget fixing dinner, or cleaning off the coffee table. I just hoped I could make it into the bedroom, and maybe have a pillow close enough for my head. Honestly I do not know how people who have to work during chemo have the energy. I was fortunate to not have that pressure.
Chemo Brain or Brain Fog: This is an actual term used by medical personnel. It has been repeatedly documented in chemo patients. Family members around chemo patients can all attest to it. How does it happen? Not a clue, I’m not a medical personnel nor do I pretend to be an expert in any medical field. What I do know is what happened to me personally, and a few friends that have experienced chemo also. And this means Chemo Brain. It scrambles your thoughts and recall memories. Words you know you suddenly cannot recall, or form into words. They are forever stuck in the folds of your brain, never to be spoken. My home phone number? Forgot it! Or, it might come to you hours later, when you no longer need it! Brain Fog confuses you. You say Right when you mean Left. My husband learned to stop listening to me giving directions. Instead of being correct 98% of the time, I was wrong 75%, or more, of the time! How long does it last? Well, I’ll let you know! I still have it.
That’s it for now.
I am continuing with a cocktail of drugs and chemo for the next 9 months. Will my body find new and obscure reactions to it?
Probably.
Will I find the humor in it?
Most definitely.
Without laughter, you die. You are welcome to come along for the ride.
‘ til next time,
inkspired
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